Daily grinds, tasks of daily living, cyclical tasks…

These are all terms that I have been running into describing a phenomenon that we know all too well…

The dishes never get done, you collect mountains of clean unfolded laundry, and there’s always another meal to plan.

Well, that’s my version, anyway. The real definition is those tasks that are always on your agenda because they are essential to daily living.

I have been preparing for our fall retreat on the Spirituality of Aging (inspired by listening to my clients who are making the transition from reproductive years into legacy years), and as part of that process, I have been reading the book Seven Transforming Gifts of Menopause: An Unexpected Spiritual Journey by Cheryl Bridges Johns. This book is written by someone with a Christian background, and who has a deep feministic lens.

Of the gifts she discusses is The Gift of Expanded Time. As a very cursory overview, she spoke of the time of menopause as stepping out of the role (confinement perhaps??) of cyclical tasks, giving us the sense that we were given time itself.

She argues that as women, our hormones make us tune into community and connection in our reproductive years, and that the combination of that and societal pressures makes us often the primary bearers of cyclical tasks.

We are tuned into and performing our daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal, and annual cycles (Like seriously—the beginning of the school year packets! Insane levels of unseen annual cyclical labor!!).

Even in the current generation, I see young mothers/childbearers getting inordinately sucked into these “traditional” cyclical roles. As I have mentioned in previous newsletters, I often refer couples to the book Fair Play during this timeframe, and I often point out to primarily focus on what cyclical tasks their partner could take on for a little more sanity and self-care time.

Why?

Here’s the thing about cyclical tasks—they become a bit of a trap. They never end.

If your “job description” around the home is largely built on the cyclical tasks, then Johns argues that there is not enough time to step into linear time and tasks—career, projects, awards, societal impact & legacy building. The stuff too often relegated to men or to our post-childrearing era.

How do you chase your individual passions if all your time is consumed with laundry?

For those of you who are absolutely passionate about your role as parent, I can hear you wondering “But what about me? I love this! Isn’t this a legacy?”

As the mother of a special/high needs child, I certainly am not negating the fact that my children are central to my life and how I spend a LOT my time, but they—and the laundry—are not my identity. And while I have invested a lot in them, I am doing that so THEY can build THEIR legacy. I am merely providing the foundation from which they can dream. They are amazing people, and that takes effort on THEIR part. I could not steal their thunder.

When we get caught in thinking our kids are our legacy, we often end up in a crisis of identity when that stage of life comes to an end.

Add to this the fact that so many of us “amazing nurturers of littles” are POWERHOUSES in and of ourselves! We are passionate, even multi-passionate, and the loss of linear time pulls us out of WHO WE ARE. We are NOT being asked to sacrifice who we are!!

I remember if feeling like it was true that I both LOVED the years of raising little ones AND felt like I took my first breath of fresh air in years when I returned to work at the yoga studio.

OHHHHHH. THIS is me!

AGAIN, we are NOT being asked to sacrifice who we are!!

So let me wrap this up by asking you some simple questions:

• Is there a part of you—perhaps a part that you have silenced to be of service to your family—that feels like you have lost your sense of purpose?
• Do you feel lost?
• Do you related to the word sacrifice? Martyr? Juggle?
• Do you have something you feel passionate about, and does your life not only accommodate but SUPPORT following that passion?
• Do you have the ability to chase “linear tasks” or “unicorn time?”
• Do you have a sense of what needs to change to get you there?
• Do you wish there was a reset button for your runaway life?
• Do you feel a lack of ability to choose what YOU want? Do you feel you lost control?

This is the reason you NEED a retreat. It’s not a want, it’s a necessity to intentional living and getting out of the daily grind and into life and purpose. Beyond Survive to Thrive is your opportunity for an annual life review and to learn the kind of deep listening that helps you CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE.